Hypnotism
by Nny11
Summary: A look into the day Klaus was hypnotized, following everyone’s favorite receptionist. Rated for mature situations unintentional gay scenes between Sir and a terrified Olaf


A/N First thing I would like to say is that I know NOTHING about hypnotism, so being lazy I decided to make stuff up instead of looking up how it was done. So please don't tell me 'that's not how you do it!' because, yes...I know. Now that may sound harsh for my rare author's note, but I have received complaints before posting from friends.

Now that sadness is over, I hope you enjoy and for the one person who thinks I might actually be Lemony Snicket, I am not. I own nothing.

Hypnotism. Olaf couldn't help but smile. The word even sounded evil! Trying to put on his best smile Olaf watched as Klaus Baudelaire was led in by his minion and thrown roughly into a chair. It was so much fun, Olaf could barely contain his evil laughter.

Clearing his throat Olaf got up and went into the examination room. Dr. Orwell was cleaning around the room when he came in. "Shirley? Is someone here for an eye exam?" The optometrist smiled as she spotted the squinting preteen in her waiting room.

In a ridiculously high voice Olaf chirped, "Why yes Dr. Orwell. A young man is here to get a new pair of glasses!" Olaf did his best female walk back over to his desk. "The poor dear fell down." Olaf watched as Klaus squinted and blinked several times. Olaf grinned in triumph at the good doctor.

"Well, I'll just have to fix that won't I?" Dr. Orwell walked over to the dumb orphan. "What is your name young man?"

"Klaus Baudelaire, Dr. Orwell is your name?" Olaf couldn't believe how stupid this kid was.

"Why yes, why don't we get you some new frames hum?" Dr. Orwell gently picked Klaus up by his elbow and began to lead him to the back room.

"If I may ask," Klaus' head swiveled and, with completely open eyes, stared right at Olaf. For a moment the actor froze and waited, "who is your receptionist?"

Dr. Orwell's eyes grew wide, and then she smiled a sickeningly sweet smile. "Why that is just Shirley, don't mind that old broad."

"I'm not old!" Olaf grumbled as the two disappeared behind the doors. Olaf drummed his fingers on the desk. " I'm not old…" this time it was more to himself than anyone else really. "I'm very young looking. And I am very handsome." Olaf got up from his desk and began to pace.

For being a waiting room, Olaf felt like the time was taking a terribly long to pass. He needed to be entertained. Walking to the full-length mirror Olaf began to walk in his sexy model gait. He began to sway his hips more and even began working on an award-winning wink. Soon enough Olaf was strutting around the room and throwing his hair over his shoulder.

He walked to the mirror and blew himself a kiss. "You are drop dead gorgeous!"

"You sure are!"

Olaf shrieked and whirled around, for there standing in the hall way was a short man. "Why, thank you!" He squeaked out.

The short, smoke covered man laughed deeply and all but waddled over to Olaf. "You are quiet welcome! Now I'm afraid I need to discuss some news that is far less pleasant than you my dear, one of my employees needed a new pair of glasses that I need to pay for." Olaf got the impression that this freaky little man was looking around the room to see if any one could listen in. "I don't suppose we could cut a deal here instead? Now, if you free me of the price of these and all future glasses I will give you the most wonderful night of your life. Does that sound fair?"

Olaf's eyebrow shot up in alarm, he quickly cleared his throat and using his silly voice almost shouted, "You pay for the glasses or that stupid midget won't get them! You're such a funny man though to kid with me like that! Oh ho ho ho ho!" Olaf scrambled behind his desk.

"Oh," said the smoke covered man, "Ah ha ha har! I am quiet funny aren't I?" He said it in a way that suggested he was disappointed with what was going on. "How much are they?"

"That will be $2900 sir," Olaf thought of how much wine that would buy.

"How did you know my name?" Sir shouted and jumped back.

"I didn't, but now I do! Oh ho ho ho!" Olaf quickly began to write out a receipt.

"Of course you didn't! I'm not stupid you know!" Sir straightened himself out then with a much calmer voice said, "Well, if we can't cut a deal we can't cut a deal. I still wouldn't mind having dinner with you or maybe we could see a movie."

"Oh you handsome man you! You must already be married with children, but you are kind to think of me." Olaf knew he had Sir's attention because he was leaning against the desk and actually paying for the glasses. "I have no family left you see, and I would just love to have three troublesome orphans of my own. Alas, I have none yet…if only someone would take pity on a kind lonely lady like myself I would be forever-"

At that moment a loud crash came from the backroom and Olaf swiveled his chair around to watch Klaus being shoved back into the hypnotist chair. "Help! Sir help me! They're going to-" Klaus gave a yelp as Dr. Orwell climbed on his chest hold him down, and had started to cover his mouth.

"Some people are just terrified of their doctors, it's really is too bad. Klaus here has a terrible phobia of them." Dr. Orwell sighed and motioned for Olaf to shut the door. "Doctors are your friends and we can't hurt you." Georgina slipped off of the orphan's chest and waved her hands to regain her balance. Klaus decided to take the opportunity to shout.

"That is ridiculous!" He cried, "A shot hurts quiet a bit! Sir you have to help me, Shirley is really Cou-"

Olaf slammed the door cutting Klaus of mid sentence. "Poor boy is just a little bit frightened by doctors."

"That's just stupid!" Sir scoffed, "Doctors are friendly and have devilishly good looking receptionists." Olaf chuckled nervously while Sir most likely wiggled his eyebrows and Klaus continued to scream bloody murder through the door. "Now I want to cut you a deal, I don't want to take care of these three accident causing orphans if they mess up again. So how about we have dinner and you can raise them if they cause anymore trouble. That's a fair deal right?"

Olaf tried to look like he was flattered instead of scared. "How about we talk about having dinner and I take the orphans instead?"

Sir's chuckle lessened, "Have dinner."

Olaf stopped laughing completely, "Talk about it."

Sir leaned forward, "Have dinner!"

Olaf sat down in his chair, "Talk about it!"

"Have it!"

"Talk!"

"Have!"

"Talk!!"

"Shut up!!" came Orwell's voice in the back followed by a thunk, like that of a sheet pan hitting a 12 year-old boy in the head, followed with another thunk of a body slumping to the floor.

"What in the world just happened back there?" Sir demanded and began to the door.

Olaf leapt to his feet, "Oh you're too good for me! Fine we'll talk about dinner and then I will, I mean, I might get to raise those troublesome orphans!"

Sir paused then looked back at the door in time to see Dr. Orwell open it to revile Klaus 'looking' through one of her machines. "Sorry about the noise. I had to sedate the poor child. He was becoming hysterical," She gave another sigh, "and it is so hard to convince dim witted people that they are wrong."

"Yes those orphans are stupid aren't they? Well that settles that. Shirley," he turned and walked over to Olaf, "I will see you later tonight to discuss having dinner." With that Sir gave Olaf's bottom a firm pinch and strode out the door.

"He pinched me!" Olaf rubbed his bottom while Dr. Orwell laughed. Olaf gave her a firm glare. "Don't you have work to do?" Georgina nodded and went back into her workroom, where she laughed for another good five minuets.

"It's not funny…" Olaf grumbled, "It hurt….a lot. Although, I am good looking enough for it to have happened!" He smiled at his reflection across the room and attempt to make himself feel better, "I am drop dead gorgeous!"

"Sir certainly thinks so," said a man's voice.

Olaf almost fell out of his chair to turn and stare at Charles.

"I just saw him on my way here. It's been a little over two hours and I came to see if Klaus was close to being finished." Charles took a few timid steps into the waiting room.

"Oh no, I'm afraid he has a terrible doctors phobia and we had to sedate him. He'll be done sometime late tonight." Olaf tried to remember how many hours it took to complete the hypnosis. "Very late, I'll walk him back to the dormitory."

"Well that's not part of our lumber mills policy. I'll just come back and get him, in the mean time would you mind if I checked in on his progress?" Charles took a step forward.

"Oh no, I mean yes!" Olaf leapt in front of Charles, "I'm afraid Georgina, that is Dr. Orwell does not like to be disturbed while working. And I'm sure that it hasn't been two hours, that little darling hasn't been here for that long." Olaf looked at the clock only to find that Charles was right. How long had he practiced his sexy walk?

"Well time flies when your having fun, and if you don't mind I think I'll just wait here for a bit. If you could just tell Dr. Orwell I'd like to talk with her before the next few hours are up that would be splendid." Charles smiled and sat down.

"Of course, I'll let her know while I bake some wonderful cookies for you. Chocolate chip or sugar cookies?" Olaf fluttered his eyelids.

"Chocolate chips sounds delightful and thank you. You are a wonderful receptionist." Charles smiled and began to read an old copy of 'The Modern Lumberjack's Finance', which had gone out of print twenty years ago.

Olaf smiled and slipped quickly through the back door into the hypnosis center. "Georgina, Charles would like to talk with you in the next three hours, so when you get the chance…what are you doing?"

Dr. Orwell smiled and moved back from a large screen, which was full of swinging clocks. Klaus was still out cold but he had been propped up to watch the screen with tapped open eyes anyways. Perched on his nose was a new pair of glasses. "This will help the process along when he comes to. Tell Charles I'll speak with him shortly, I need to continue working for a while."

"Right," Olaf walked through to the storage room. Sitting in the corner were several boxes of pre-made cookies and a microwave. Olaf strolled over and ripped open a container. He threw in a third for seven minuets, another third for three, and the last third for one minuet. He almost giggled at the results, some looked just perfect while others hadn't 'work out so well'. He grabbed one from his 'first batch' and happily crunched into it. "Not bad" he muttered and began going back.

He once again paused in Georgina's workroom because of what was happening. Klaus had been moved to another chair where a large closed helmet was over his head. Olaf leaned over and listened for a moment at his side, and heard the sound of the good doctor's prerecorded voice talking.

"You are doing fine, just relax," started the reel, "everything is fine. You are very _LUCKY _to be here. You don't have a good memory but that is _LUCKY._"

Olaf wasn't sure how any of this helped but not being the expert he shrugged his shoulders and was content. He strolled through the next door back into the waiting room where Charles was now reading a copy of 'Dudes Magazine, The Magazine for Dudes', which had gone out of print ten years ago.

In his ridiculously high voice Olaf almost sang, "Cooooookies!" and slapped the tray down in front of him. "Try the dark brown ones," he said with a wink.

Charles looked vaguely like he wanted to run but instead politely said, "Thank you." Olaf smirked at him and sexy walked back to his desk.

Charles grabbed a cookie and stared into it's over cooked brown center. He gave a small sniff and then, with a sigh, bit right into it. CRUNCH! Charles could swear his teeth had just cracked. CRUNCH! He swirled the chunks in his mouth and wondered if he could swallow them. CRUNCH! GULP! Charles smiled at Olaf and grabbed a second one. "These are delicious."

"Oh you." Olaf waved his hand dismissively and began to 'write'. He found himself doodling several things on his scrap piece of paper. First he doodled what he would do if he already had the Baudelaire fortune. CRUNCH! First he would buy a fancy new car so he could drive somewhere to celebrate. CRUNCH! Then he would drink some wine and have his house fixed up. CRUNCH! Then he would drink some more and buy himself an army of zombie babies to destroy all of V.F.D. CRUNCH!

Olaf took a deep breath here. "Enjoying your, ah-hem, cookies?" He asked with a sickeningly sweet voice.

"Oh yes." Said Charles who was holding his aching jaw.

"Well they are all for you. So don't be shy about them. Hee hee hee!" Olaf glared at his paper. CRUNCH! God that was annoying. Olaf then began to doodle what he was going to have when he had the Baudelaire fortune. He would have a car, a house, a new wardrobe, some candy, a new disguise kit, (CRUNCH!) a whole winery, some cherries, servants, some of those funny foldable Frisbees, (CRUNCH!) lemon meringue pie, a new theater he'd call Olaf-topia, his own roller coaster, a beer factory, (CRUNCH!) some Twinkies, a bucket full of precious stones, a fancy smoking pipe so he'd look cool, (CRUNCH!) and a gun to shoot people who eat things too loudly.

Olaf sent a firm glare at Charles. "Dr. Orwell should be with you before the next hour is up!" He chirped and wished that more than a measly hour had passed. Olaf sighed, he in fact, had no idea when she was planning to come out but hoped that his thought waves reached her.

Olaf then played a few games of tic-tac-toe with himself only to have multiple cat's games. Then he drew himself surfing, which he hadn't a clue how to do. He drew the Baudelaire orphans grave sites, covered in moss from lack of visitation. And got half way through a naughty picture when Georgina came into the room.

"You must be Charles. I'm Dr. Orwell and I wanted to bring you up to date with Klaus's progress." Right as she closed the door Klaus gave a feeble groan and Olaf smirked.

"Now as you warned me Klaus does indeed have Iatrophobia, and it is far worse than we had expected." Dr. Orwell took a seat across from Charles and grabbed a less nuked cookie. "I am afraid we had to sedate him, but, as you heard, he is coming too and we should hopefully be able to continue." She smiled at Charles, "He will be done very late tonight, very late. He will just have to walk back. Now I don't mean to be rude but I have quiet a bit of work to do, if you'll excuse me."

"Not a problem!" Charles quickly dropped his cookie in the garbage can and shook Dr. Orwell's hand. "I will just have to see him tomorrow. Thank you for taking care of him." And without waiting for an answer he jogged out of the building.

Olaf let out a hiss in the general direction of the door. "He is the loudest cookie eater I have ever had the displeasure meet!" There was a small thumping noise from the workroom.

"I do believe he tried to stand up." Georgina said with a small smirk. "Will you help me get him into another device for me?"

"Sure," Olaf shrugged his shoulders and followed her into the room where, sure enough, Klaus was lying in an uncomfortable heap on the floor. "Can we leave him there for a minuet?"

"No, I'm afraid not. The previous processes haven't effected him enough to leave him in a jumbled state for long." Georgina grabbed Klaus' feet, "Now we need to get him to that metal table there," she nodded at a table with a very large object hanging over it. The object looked like a very dangerous and sharp chandelier.

"Alright." Olaf grabbed Klaus' shoulders and with a grunt of effort they began to move him. "How do you do any work in high heels? Ouch!" Olaf almost twisted his ankle as the swung the orphan unceremoniously onto the table.

"It becomes more natural with time. Now I'll start working with him, it's going to be noisy so wear these," She handed him some earplugs and with a wink put in her own pair.

Olaf put his in and went back to the reception area, where not even a few minuets later he heard a loud whirring noise punctuated with yelps and shouts from the boy. Olaf grinned and decided to finish his not so noble doodle.

It must have been quiet a while later, because the whirring had been over for a half hour when Olaf was ripped from his copy of 'Money is Life'. Georgina had poked her head out of the door and motioned him in.

"It's obviously not done but my progress is pretty good right now. You're very lucky Klaus, why don't you meow like a cat?" Georgina stepped aside to reveal a confused looking Klaus who shook his head slowly.

"Why do I need to…" he shook his head again, "I'm very tired, could this wait."

Georgian's grin was almost from ear to ear. "I'm afraid not, you lucky boy. Meow like a cat."

With a sigh Klaus said, "Yes sir." and began to meow.

Olaf first began to giggle, then he was quietly laughing, then he began to howl with laughter. All the while Klaus meowed.

"Luckily, that will do." Georgina walked over to another table and grabbed a prepared needle. Klaus had stopped meowing and just sat there perfectly still as she injected all the fluid into his arm. For a moment Klaus swayed and then he slummed to one side and just lay there. "This time I actually did sedate him. That should keep him out long enough for your talk with Sir."

Olaf glanced at a clock and found it was indeed dinnertime. With a grumble Olaf went in the storage room and grabbed his dinner, a bottle of wine and more cookies, then went into the waiting room. Olaf didn't have to wait long before Sir had strolled in with a pizza box and a bouquet of flowers.

"My dear! I hope you don't mind I brought some dinner to our discussion of dinner!" Sir dropped them on top of several old magazines. "Oh, and I almost forgot," Olaf was sure he hadn't almost forgot as Sir put the bouquet next to the pizza, "these are for you my lovely little forest flower." Olaf squinted trying to figure out if Sir had just wiggled his eyebrows or not. "It's pepperoni!" Sir said happily throwing open the boxes lid.

"So it is, oh ho ho ho! Well, I hope you don't mind, but I only brought a drink and some dessert. Ta-da!" Olaf unhappily brandished his cookies like a shield and wine bottle like a sword. "So," he began as he pulled the cork out of the wine bottle and took a long swig, "dinner, they say, should be the largest meal of your day. What do you think?"

Sir swallowed the chunk of pizza he had just chewed. "Poppy-cock! I think that all meals should be large and consist of artery clogging ingredients!" Sir took another huge bite of pizza. "A triple by-pass surgery will make a man out of you!" He paused to laugh loudly. "Or a woman as the case may be! Ar har har har!"

"Oh ho ho ho…"Olaf popped several large sugar cookies into his mouth, "And don't forget your liver!" Olaf leaned over and tried to playfully poke Sir in the gut, but it came out rather viciously, "It's a useless organ anyways, oh ho ho ho! But, back to dinner, I personally agree that it should be a large meal, but I also think you should share it with loved ones, friends, or your evil minions _if_ you know what I mean!"

Sir gave out a half laugh, half burp. "Too true! Dinner should also be loud and terribly boring if you are visiting family. Yet calm and-is it oddly romantic in this room or what?" Sir slid closer to Olaf and threw an arm around his shoulders. "What bony shoulders you have! Just like a sexy, half starved woman should!" Sir, to the best of Olaf's knowledge had tilted his head up and was leaning in for a kiss.

Olaf leaned away from Sir slowly, "Why thank you. I have been dieting for weeks to look this good." Olaf had begun to sweat. What now?

"And you sure do look good baby, you are smoking!" Sir began to grope at Olaf's chest.

Springing up Olaf laughed a little too loudly and tapped Sir on the nose. "Now that we are through discussing dinner, I _must_ get back to work. But don't forget your promise!" Olaf grabbed the flowers and vaulted over his desk into his seat. "Have a wonderful evening you…" he was losing steam, "wolf man…you."

Sir had picked himself up off the floor and was dusting himself off. "Ah yes, I will see you soon I hope. Good night, doll face!" Sir walked up to the desk and before Olaf could do a thing had landed a kiss on him. Then, without a word, he strolled on out the door leaving Olaf to silently retch behind him and wish, if only for a second, that he owned a toothbrush.

With an irritated growl Olaf chucked the flowers into the rubbish bin and wondered why, even if he was sexy, that strange little men had to try and grope him. "Georgina, he's gone!"

"That's…good…he he he-ah hem! I just need to…" Olaf felt his back straighten as Dr. Orwell finished her sentence with a snort. "Oh by the way, he he he, he'll be done snort in a few more hours. I just-I just have to-te hee." With that she shut the door. Olaf flopped down behind his receptionist's desk and decided a good long nap was in order, a good long alcohol induced nap was in order.

With a small nod to himself Olaf quickly finished the rest of the wine and downed a few beers hidden behind his desk. With a pleasant nauseated feeling in his head and what felt like someone poking his liver repeatedly, Olaf fell quick asleep.

"Olaf…Olaf…For goodness sake OLAF!!"

Olaf jerked upright, "Eh? What? Money?" Blinking several times Olaf realized that it was Georgina who had roused him. "What is it?"

"He's finished! It took forever, with unsafe machinery, unsanitary conditions, and several unorthodox methods, but he is finished." With the look of a fond mother she called sweetly behind her, "Lucky come out here Klaus."

A dull, yes sir, came from the back room and out came Klaus. He went right to where she pointed and stood there waiting. Olaf smiled. "Lucky," he paused, what to say… "Klaus you should do some push ups." Damn. What a way to waste a command, but Klaus with another yes sir, dropped to the ground and began to do push ups. "What will he do?"

Georgina laughed, "He will do anything and I mean anything. Why he would kill someone if we asked him to! I believe that was what you wanted?"

With a snicker Olaf nodded. "Exactly. Lucky you Klaus, go back to the Lucky Smells Lumber mill dormitory." Olaf watched Klaus quickly get on his feet and with another yes sir he marched out the door. "This is going to be good."

"Indeed," Orwell smiled, "By the way, you drooled in your sleep." She pointed to the desk. "Just there. Goodnight."

Olaf murmured a quick good bye and hastily wiped away his drool. A good receptionist doesn't drool after all.


End file.
